!!!

i think

2011-08-03T18:12:00.000-07:00

i would like this and a big white room

morning

2011-04-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

2011-03-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

our love is usually conditional and based upon how other people behave toward us. This kind of love is based upon familiarity and direct interaction. The Greek word "phileo" defines this kind of love, often translated "brotherly love." Phileo is a soulish (connected through our emotions) kind of love - something that can be experienced by both believers and non-believers. This is in contrast to agape, which is love extended through the spirit. Agape love requires a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, since the non-regenerated soul is unable to love unconditionally. Agape love gives and sacrifices expecting nothing back in return.

i feel like i could read this my whole life, and never fully understand it.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

tennyson's princess, Canto VII

2011-03-18T21:58:00.001-07:00

almost husband

2011-03-12T20:25:00.001-08:00

2011-02-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

this week i noticed

2011-02-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

impatience is unattractive and surprisingly common, like the common cold.

everyone gets it but no one really knows where it comes from. and sometimes you pretend you have it just to say something.

also i decided traffic is a beautiful break from the busyness in a day where you get to see the world behind glass and say whatever you want without consequence.

woman

2011-01-13T20:07:00.001-08:00

happily madder than man

closer to life and nonsense,

Princess of absurdity

collector of dreams and menus

attuned to silent sounds and unheard voices

believer in miracles and magic and attending angels

these are the colors i am feeling

2010-12-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

golden brown and amber tones and i am encouraged!

it snowed today, and i am in love with my lord and my man.

Debussy　 Clair de Lune 　ドビュッシー　月の光

2010-12-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

favorite song when i was a little girl

2010-11-23T00:46:00.000-08:00

words to this

2010-11-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

wednesday, humpday is a gross expression

2010-09-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to break in these moccasins. That is not a metaphor.

"a leather handbag, extremely worn, but with a label inside it as impressive as the one inside Mrs.snell's hat, lay on the pantry. Sandra was able to reach it without standing up. She handed it across the table to Mrs. Snell, who opened it and took out a pack of mentholated cigarettes and a folder of stork club matches."

j.d. salinger makes me want a cigarette.

2010-09-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

what are your names?
this is dakota and im amorette
amorette?
yeah, its kinda hard to say. its french for love.

cutest tiny blonde hair blue eyed girls ive ever met.

today I learned

2010-09-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

java and a sinker means coffee and a donut in ol people speak

2010-08-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

i have scribbled notes from books in my purse. they are getting cluttery so i'm putting them all in this post.

"sometimes i despair of ever understanding anything right when it happens to me, seems like i have to tell it in a letter to see what it was, even though i was right there all along." -letters from sugarfork

"trout incidentally had written a book about a money tree. it had twenty dollar bills for leaves. its flowers were government bonds. its fruit was diamonds. it attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer. so it goes."

"and i asked myself about the present, how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep."

a list:

spa kit

candles

flower seeds

incense

a/c unit??????fan

house warming gifts??

another list:

antique store

shorts present - MAIL

bridgett

food stamps

elegance of the hedgehog

apply for fasfa

paper towels

"'A psychiatrist could help. There's a good man in Albany.' Finnerty shook his head. 'He'd pull me back into the center, and I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you can see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.' He nodded, 'Big undreamed of things - the people on the edge see them first.'" -player piano

exit through the gift shop - banksy film

"weighing the factors" december 2009, your weird, a little piece of glass, sea glass, sea bass

another list:

look up rugby, tn library, supposed to have a big catalogue of books that go back to the 1800's

put piano on craigslist

pay phone bill

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of Your heart. "

this is the life,

2010-06-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

open up your eyes & seek

your wisdoms in the trees

but dreams you have to close your eyes to see

what you were meant for

what you were made for

doors will close

& open like the sky

like the part of you that dies

when you become who i was made for

what you were meant for.

once upon a time there lived

a hope inside my heart

like a shadow you've been cast in every part

but the one you were made for

what you were made for

das - astoria, oregon, u.s.a.

2010-04-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

ive come to listen for the sound

of the trucks as they move down out on ninety five

and pretend that it's the ocean

coming down to wash me clean, to wash me clean

baby do you know what i mean

easy from now on

2010-04-04T20:29:00.001-07:00

quarter moon in a ten cent town

its time for me to lay my heartaches down

saturday night gonna make myself a name

take a month of sundays to try and explain

ding

2010-04-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

it is spring. im watching a cardinal fly back and forth between the same two branches, from my open window in my room. i heard that birds only have a five second memory, which is why they sing, they're repeating the same thought over and over. i feel like my heart is being refreshed every day. reborn every morning. the only thing that stays constant is a little bit of ache and being aware of what makes me happy. but i feel peaceful. and peace is so different than feeling numb. it lets me feel, hurt, cry, love and be happy for the first time in my adult life and i am so thankful.

today i got to see an old mans house in east nashville (he recently passed away), who lived alone for the last forty years of his life. his wife became a lesbian and left him in the 70s and he didn't change anything after she left. he left everything exactly where it was. her shoes and clothes and furniture and he didn't move or change things. so everything in the house was in perfect condition from the 60s, it was like being in another time. i found lots of treasures and scribbles and knick knacks and even found a book on "how to stay in love" with things underlined and highlighted, i was given two beautiful umbrellas and a vacuum cleaner circa 1965 that still works perfectly. all electronics in the house still worked. the house was a gold mine. my heart was jumping. so much more i could write about this but not sure how to. except i was really lucky i was one of the few people who got to explore it. i felt like i was in the goonies.

happy

2010-03-16T22:34:00.001-07:00

this is my favorite of his books so far.

i have been so happy lately i just don't even know what to do with all of it

2010-03-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

findings

2010-03-02T13:13:00.001-08:00

reading and looking at things like this

also writing letters and ginger tea

found this

2010-02-27T00:29:00.000-08:00

yikes

2010-02-18T21:28:00.001-08:00

kurt where have you been all my life

2010-02-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

so

2010-01-13T19:22:00.001-08:00

what if someone invented a laundromat with a bar in it? yeah? you could buy people rounds and dryer rounds. i would rather get 10 more minutes of dry time than a pbr that's for sure.

broke, broken

2010-01-11T19:21:00.000-08:00

1.10.2010

I hate it I hate it I tried to paint an octopus and I drank to much and messed it up and now I hate the painting it just reminds me of right now and I hate right now . I mean shit this pain is inspiring but its making me paint bad octopuses.

1.11.2010

today was an erasing day. lord you have my heart.

2010-01-02T18:26:00.001-08:00

black lung

2009-12-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

lungs are rotting, bath every day

book of the month.

2009-12-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

"good morning. and how are you this fine day?"
"very well, thank you. how is your mother?"
"she's getting old- getting old- the aches and daggers of getting old. i'll tell her you asked for her."
the words are meaningless except in terms of feeling. does anyone act as the result of thought or does feeling stimulate action and sometimes thought implement it?

the street lights made the hard white frost on the lawns and sidewalks glint like millions of tiny diamonds. such a frost takes a footprint and there were none ahead, i have always from the time i was a child felt a curious excitement walking in new unmarked snow or frost. it is like being first in a new world, a deep satisfying sense of discovery of something clean and new, unused and undirtied. the usual nightfolk, the cats, dont like to walk on frost. i remember once, on a dare, i stepped barefoot on a frosty path and it felt like a burn to my feet. but now in galoshes and thick socks i put the first scars on the glittering newness.

sometimes i wish i knew the nature of night thoughts. they're close kin to dreams, sometimes i can direct them and other times they take their head and come rushing over me like strong, unmanaged horses.

are cats strange animals or do they so resemble us that we find them curious as we do monkeys?

trashy

2009-12-14T21:41:00.000-08:00

and crosseyed

im quitting. i feel better today.
read the pearl. also dietrich bonhoeffer letters.

"when i walk in the yard i get a great deal of pleasure from a small anthill and from the bees in the lime-trees. i sometimes think of the story of peter bamm, who was on a lovely island where he met all kinds of people, good and bad. he dreamt in a nightmare that a bomb might come and destroy everything and the first thing that occurred to him was what a pity it would be for the butterflies. prison life brings home to one how nature carries on uninterruptedly it's quiet, open life and it gives one quite a special- perhaps sentimental attitude towards animal and plant life, except that my attitude towards the flies in my cell remains very unsentimental"

i wish i could have known him in real life.

2009-12-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

feet like ice
been living on the couch, bored, cold, and lonely
library wanderer what are you looking for

this is exactly my heart

2009-11-27T00:39:00.000-08:00

Though this house feels like an old lost song
That calls for me to play along
Somehow I don't belong

The night lit by moon
The day sun
Ooh baby I'm wondering
how come?
The light is nearly gone

,like the river

2009-11-13T11:45:00.000-08:00

I have all these memories, I don't know what for
I have them and I can't help it
Some overflow and spill like waves
some I will harbour
For all of my days

I burned liked oil, you grew like a flower
Rising toward your magical hour
I was not yours and you were not mine
Our true love finds us when it is time

We drove back downtown
Wasted and spent
Down highways that I remember
Happy for her and happy for me
The old times and the new to uncover

2009-10-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

Only someone running would run right into me
Unless that someone was someone free like me

There are things I will not do
I will even be mean and cruel
And I will not stay with you
unless you give me all of yourself

When I was a sandy blue
and friendship dwelled in western true
Smokin pill and lovely too
That was before you gave a view

We'll make a future dream be ours
Through your eyes I swallow flowers
and disdain the winter showers
choosing then to bathe in you

And I sing evil, I sing good
I sing as a seagull should
And if you melted then I would
melt myself all into you
Can you love the one that God does?
Can you love the lily of the field?
Can you tend the soil inside of her
till all has been revealed?

eggplant

2009-10-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

i have an eggplant in my stomach, at the very bottom. i can't eat, it has been that second right before you throw up, for two days now. i have felt the lord more in the last week than i have in a year. i hope that the eggplant is an eggplant and not a real something.

color

2009-10-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

in this little pine moth today.
blogs are outdated, is it weird that i still have one

2009-09-04T12:31:00.000-07:00

You've had lots of trouble lately, haven't you? You look kinda sad.
Even when you smile and laugh, it stays in your eyes. It never goes away.
I've noticed it a lot since you've been around me lately.
You're a good girl. I've read lots of books and studied about people, I know.
She said she liked to work.
He told her that she had a pretty face.
You got pretty eyes, even if they are sad. They're blue. Sad and blue.
She said she wasn't feeling so bad now since she had a job.
I could hear him breathe and could hear the rattling in his lungs, His face
was pale and when he rubbed his hand over his chin, the red blood would
show through his skin. He said, I feel better when i got you around.

2009-08-10T15:46:00.001-07:00

karen: what are you wearing?
me: one wool sock that has "mj RIP" knitted with pink yarn on it the other striped christmas themed sock. besides that nothing.
karen: wow
karen: that's hard to believe
karen: but not hard to imagine
karen: luckily

2009-08-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

2009-07-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

decided to shower today. i got comments like "you look like a business woman"
also, due to my "plan"
was an hour late to work, and was drunk for the first two hours.
the hangover was mild, fortunately.

i met a man named jeff today who works in the valet at the garage at the hospital, whenever i leave i always go through the wrong way (the valet side) unintentionally (this is because i am a bad driver) and he stopped me today and said i am the only one who smiles at him. i told him i felt the same way at the coffee shop, no one sees you like you're a machine. he said all i had to do to avoid valet was to drive straight (wow. how did i miss this.) im not going to, ever. im going to smile at him every day. hopefully i do not hit him. this would completely destroy our newly budding friendship.

the plan

2009-07-28T15:59:00.001-07:00

window open, on the roof, foggy day, the damned/elliot smith/van etten, cigarettes, glass of wine. the bible. a tee shirt. learning things, all the time.

alphabet town

2009-07-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

12 hour shifts, daily, been forgetting to look in the mirror. whoops

2009-07-27T15:45:00.001-07:00

2009-07-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

,makes work easy

2009-07-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

2009-07-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

florida

2009-07-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

------------------,

the plane made me clausterphobic everyone was breathing the same musty air and children were screaming and everyone was overweight and sweating , i just read my book and hoped the ballerina that was talking on her phone about the yogurt she was eating outside the terminal would not sit next to me, because she talked loud, and not about important things. but what are important things really, i guess. important things are the stars and the grass and the way the cat i met on the beach today delicately pranced on the sand, she looked like she was gliding. important things are the little girls at the flea markets selling their mothers jewelry, and the smell in the kitchen right after courtney bakes. pages turned hundreds of times without being torn, and the big bright eyes of the young boy who stared at me from the back of his ragged fathers old clunker, with a dirty face and a superman action figure

new

2009-06-03T00:32:00.001-07:00

tattoos, new pets, new friends new life. sometimes i think about how my life was a year ago and it is really strange to me. i am not on vacation, i live here now
come visit me.

sticky hot summer heat, tired eyes
no sheets
dirt nails paint hair cuts bruises
dead smells
sharp noises, tight clothes
pointy shoes.
stained towels gnat clouds
bug bites stubby toes
wrinkly knuckles
itchy head bad breath
cock roach on the wall

ahahahahaha

2009-05-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

You stood, a graceful Yeti - m4w - 35 (Nashville, TN)

Reply to:pers-sfrce-1180845791@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-20, 4:14PM CDT

I bumped into you on the way into the store, initially feeling I'd upset a carefully constructed store display, leaves falling from what I discovered was your wiry coat. You weren't a carefully constructed and beautiful representation of the outdoors in the front window of the store, designed to reflect the connection the springs new flattering pallette of grass green, hot pink, cobalt, yellow and orange have with our forests and hills, but a real and sturdy female yeti. The birds nesting in furrows of your brow chirped songs of your gentle nature, your enormous hirsut fingers coyly twisting the tufts of your elbows into charming heart shaped gestures, meant to entice and disarm. I had walked into the store looking for some new boxers but left with a breezy new light in my soul.

Location: Nashville, TN
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1180845791

2009-04-23T22:01:00.001-07:00

pout

2009-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

2009-04-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

i think its about time i start doing something

2009-03-28T07:34:00.001-07:00

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

Away, I'd rather sail away
Like a swan that's here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
He gives the world its saddest sound
Its saddest sound

I'd rather be a forest than a street
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

welp

2009-03-21T18:44:00.000-07:00

i got my boyfren back,

also i'm getting my car tomorrow

my

2009-03-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

heart is full of love

hey

2009-03-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

to everyone who reads, all four of you,
i love you

like, a lot

like this much

B-------------------------------------------------D

yata-hey

2009-02-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

also

2009-02-20T23:34:00.000-08:00

it has to be me, same tattoo

get it

2009-02-20T23:15:00.001-08:00

yeah yeah i'm getting back into riding more and i'm gonna lose some weight and you know. chubby vegetarian yeah yeah. no more bread yeah starve. im getting anxious yeah yeah i am. getting more tattoos yeah yeah yeah. more than i can afford yeah. i miss these shows yeah yeah i bend over weird yeah
i miss old friends yeahhh and that guaranteed job i had at the native american store yeah yeah i want that job

work

2009-02-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

2009-02-20T07:24:00.001-08:00

#SPLIT8 - David Bazan - The Man In Me
by lablogotheque

pooka shell

2009-02-18T22:45:00.000-08:00

"quit playin games with my heart"

my cat is really really cute and woke me up this morning

2009-02-17T09:24:00.000-08:00

portland

2009-02-16T22:00:00.000-08:00

really

2009-02-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness,
wherefore put away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor:
for we are members one of another

Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath
neither give place to the devil

Let him that stole steal no mor: but rather let him labor, working with his hands
the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needs

let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying,
that is may minister grace unto the hearers!

dang

2009-02-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

thank jesus for friends

aha

2009-02-08T03:47:00.000-08:00

rough rough time
my cat knew when i got home how upset i was, and i was quiet and sortof ignoring her trying to cuddle me. but when i realized she knew, i cried, and thanked the lord for her being so sweet to me and loving on me.
then i grit my teeth, made a box, put the most important things in it, and let it go.
i am never, letting this happen to me again, that's all i know

i have a document on my computer that i intermittently write in, so i sat and read for awhile.

driving to the biggest mall in the u.s. 2006 about a year ago. back seat, headphones. our lady of bells, here they all pretend. don’t know why it just fit so great. and i remember it

there is a chinese food restaurant next door and i’m broke and i ate the last of my food today and i think this is worse than numetal torture

6:02 and 58 minutes to go and there is a man with grey hair and an ipod with a purple backpack and he looked at me and there are flies in here and i really really don’t like flies.

cleaning up from a party. stale beer smell everywhere. gum stuck in the carpet. improvised pipes out of beer cans, vomit around the porcelain toilet. trash can half full of beer. constantly finding smashed beer cans shoved into different places. bedroom light shattered into pieces, bits of glass in the carpet, cigarette butts lining the porch. beer on the tv. carpet. walls. ceiling. rug is still wet with spilled whiskey. dirty linoleum. 4 bags of cans. wondering if it was worth it.

fixed record player, get up kids album. it skips but it doesn’t matter. so perfect right now. i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing with my life. who does right.

sitting on the couch outside, playing ukulele, cigarette in my fingers, strumming with my thumb and humming along, watching a young man with a yellow bag and skinny jeans cross the street in a hurried walk while checking his watch. mid verse i see a streak of grey out of the corner of my eye and hear a thump near my head. i realize that a little bird has mistaken the house behind me for a patch of blue sky, and slid down the wall into a corner near my front door. she was either a pigeon or a dove, but a pretty bird, and she sat there for a good five or six minutes, probably a little embarrassed, and when i went inside to get a glass of water, i guess she managed to compose herself and fly away. anyway i hope she’s alright.

“why do we hide from the sun when we know we don’t have to”

to shit

2009-02-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

the last few days have been really terrible.
i'm trying not to sulk.

i got a stupid promotion with some stupid mumbo jumbo speech from my two bosses at my work which is a joke. basically it means i get paid a hundred dollars more a month to do everything marcia is too lazy to do, and get micro managed while doing it. fuck yeah. go team.

georgia got hit by a car and i found her outside a few days ago, i was really close to her and it was terrible finding her like that. she was frozen solid and there was snow on her face, she had gone missing a few days before but she leaves sometimes so i figured she would come back in a day or so. obviously she didnt. and the next day i had to pretend i was alright with a smile and sell people things with a good attitude.

i've also realized that i have once again, ive left myself with few friends since i ignored them for a good four months. i'm such an idiot. its such a stupid cycle.
i want to move but i know its the same way every where.

also because of my several weeks of self analysis ive come to realize how much of a push over ive become and may have always been, i dont stand up for myself, and stress myself out all the time because i try to hang on to the relationships i do have. but most of the time i just give up and turn my phone off, because i just feel like i might as well not try, and sometimes i just feel too busy. but my life is full of kissing other peoples asses, and then talking about how much i hate doing it, and trying to subconsciously convince myself that i'm getting somewhere. the only thing i've really accomplished in reality is how to alienate myself from being happy

on the bright side, it was sunny today.

my body is tense and my hands are tired.

2009-01-30T22:54:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8YCSJpF4g4

got a gut feelin

2009-01-27T18:23:00.001-08:00

brains

2008-12-18T00:36:00.000-08:00

if i would let you into my heart
would you thank the lord would you tear it apart
and if words could talk the monster down
would you leave it alive or go in for the strike
and if dark were over thrown by the light
would the night turn to day
would it all turn to gray
and if time could tell you whose in charge
would you follow their lead?
would you plot their defeat
if flesh could crawl back to the bone
from terrors
build tiny sacred biolimbs from the marrow
(then) the pilot may stand or talk
like a fellow
but he's nothing more then peices
over a hollow
it is the same exact team
it is a walking pathway
and once your headed down it
there aint no turning back
our words are cautionary
because words are fun to say
you've got alot to carry
but once your there you stay there

i'm hungry

2008-12-15T19:44:00.000-08:00

me: my stomach is still grumbly
roger: eat ur hand

my back hurts
wah
i want my mom

work

2008-12-10T22:05:00.000-08:00

work work all day every day.i think i'm the most tired i've ever been in my whole life. no not really. but i don't want to turn into some dork who complains and is cranky all the time who only talks about work drama. but i am extremely exhausted. i think my brain is on autopilot. i did so many dumb things today. #1. forgot to lock the front door at work when i left... great i'm talking about work

eighteen

2008-12-05T16:31:00.000-08:00

days until i leave for the great state of colorado. my momma is in town and we just went shopping and she's talking about how she wants to change my old room into an office and blah blah blah. i dont want her to. it took me three days of nonstop painting to make my room a golden yellow, by myself. even though i didn't cut out by the windows and it looks like a sunflower threw up everywhere but i'm still proud of it and it's exactly how i would want my room here to be. it has most of my old furniture and all my paintings. i think she's threatening me to make me move back so that it's safe from her interior decorating capabilities. which are great might i add. if i wanted my room to look like a log cabin with moose themed bedding.
but it has been so good seeing her, i wish she was my neighbor and that she would pay for me to go to the dentist and buy me soymilk like she used to. she is my best friend.
anyway i have a hot date tonight.
work christmas party, aka, akwarrrrrrdddddddddd
and free food!

hey mo

2008-11-18T08:16:00.001-08:00

i just booked my flight to come home for christmas. a whole week.
i am sick in bed with a runny nose and cold feet
updates! \/\/\/

talk

2008-10-05T16:56:00.000-07:00

well lets see my life. ummmm. ok working constantly. social lifes a little busy. trying to figure out whos mad at me and why. trying to love others. trying to not be selfish. that ones really hard. most of the time i end up riding to bridgetts house and watching movies. trying to not seriously injure the upstairs neighbor who does not know how to play the electric guitar but "practices "every night, especially around 2 am. lord have mercy. trying to ride my bicycle more. p.s. i got a new bike. pictures very soon. loving the cooler nights here, the sing a longs, the good friends, the movie nights. loving lunch breaks and menthols, iced soy chais at fido, vegetarian deluxe at pizza perfect. loving our cats even though everyone else hates them. trying to be positive.
missing, my closest friends in colorado. bike rides on flat roads. my family. playing video games with my sister. not being broke. having a comfortable bed. pizza at poor richards (poor richards>pizza perfect). THE MOUNTAINS. no mosquitos. kashi and nano. hercules and dillinger. living by myself. taking a bath. the piano warehouse. america the beautiful park. the penny arcade. smiles and smiles and someone to go to the laundromat with. not feeling inadequate.

this is where i am

ok

2008-08-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

since monicque wants them here are some of the party pictures. twila did a good job and took an unnecessary amount.
i miss you so so much misses aragon and i love your postcards. and they are all over my fridge.
annnnnnd i might be moving again soon, for a million little silly reasons.
not anytime soon. actually maybe. we'll see.

boots

2008-07-19T11:01:00.001-07:00

i'm itchin to travel
happy birthday to courtney
party tonight, pictures will come

no more cancer

2008-07-10T16:55:00.000-07:00

3 days down and the rest of my life to go. i don't have internet anymore so this is hard to keep up to date.
miss everyone.
especially certain people

uhhh and for laughs. thanks to the 4th of july for this

2008-06-30T09:04:00.001-07:00

i'm so thankful that i am in a place where i have so many options even though i don't know what to do almost all the time
i can't even comprehend how blessed i am
i know things are changing and i think it's for the better
i don't want my life to be a habit of 2 good weeks and 2 bad ones, i'd like some consistency and motivation,
and some truth and stability
sometimes, its nice

cigarette

2008-06-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

i miss hog
and mo
and loree i hope things get better.
no cornerstone

i haven't been leaving my bed lately

2008-06-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

kittens
they poop exactly where you don't want them to
they cuddle in the right place in your arm
they try to eat people food allllllll the time like right now i'm eating coffee icecream and trying to keep georgia out of it
they love my bed the most but do weird things like chew on fuzzes from the blanket
and they love us cause they have to i mean we're the ones who feed them

2008-06-13T00:04:00.001-07:00

To a future with some balance,
To a future without judgment,
To a future with my family

To a future without anger,
To a fate of more than damaged fits,
To a future worth remembering.

rope swing

2008-06-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

went swimming today, moved into the new place. very tired. its 4 in the morning. i need to call monicque.

found

2008-06-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

an apartment, we move in on wednesday.
saving a kitten promptly afterwards

2008-05-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

Went swimming and jumped off some cliffs into a lake the other day. they were tall like 30 or 40 feet high. the boys jumped off a 50 ft one. i got lots of lake water up my nose, and swam next to some really big fish. today I talked a little bit. It felt good to say some things out loud, they make situations much more real when you hear yourself talking about them.

Kunstformen der Natur

2008-05-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

diggin this guy

Kunstformen der Natur (Art Forms of Nature) is a book of lithographic and autotype prints by German biologist Ernst Haeckel. Originally published in sets of ten between 1899 and 1904 and as a complete volume in 1904, it consists of 100 prints of various organisms, many of which were first described by Haeckel himself. According to Haeckel scholar Olaf Breidbach (the editor of modern editions of Kunstformen), the work was "not just a book of illustrations but also the summation of his view of the world." The over-riding themes of the Kunstformen plates are symmetry and organization. The subjects were selected to embody organization, from the scale patterns of boxfishes to the spirals of ammonites to the perfect symmetries of jellies and microorganisms, while images composing each plate are arranged for maximum visual impact.

thomas

2008-05-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

slept on a wonderful couch/bed last night, and snuggled with bekah's cat thomas. he is big but loves to cuddle and step on your face in the middle of the night. what a goober. i'm going back to nashville today, i might come back down on saturday if i don't have to work.

birmingham

2008-05-19T18:39:00.001-07:00

i haven't had much sleep but i'm enjoying my visit here
leaving tomorrow.

howdy

2008-05-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

well i'm in birmingham alabama, got here last night. stayed up real late last night, roger is cooking eggs and making toast for breakfast i can smell it and i'm so hungry! i think i'm going to hang out here for a few days, maybe i'll leave like tuesdayish. i don't know if i said this but i got the job at that clothing store, i start friday. yeehaw

explain your brain

2008-05-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

down home grlll

2008-05-14T00:29:00.000-07:00

ok so i thinkkkkkk i got a job mayyyyybe. i have an interview on thursday. at this used clothing store. yesterday and today i sat outside with sophia. she is so small and is whiny sometimes but she fascinates me, her fingers and toes are so small and i don't even understand how she can move them without them breaking. she is also fat. constantly trying to find things that she can eat.

i also met a little blonde girl who lives next door named Saga, she speaks swedish.

i rode my bicycle around today and got to know the streets a little better, stopped and called mo, then went to a bible study at some house. afterwards we went up on the roof and sat and talked. there was a helicopter that flew over and shined his spotlight on us

then had some potatoes and stuff and drank a beer and went home

i think i might go to alabama next week.

i'm gonna sleep in so good tomorrow

gnight

never trust a man with a few change of clothes and a drink in his hand

2008-05-12T00:26:00.000-07:00

"this is how i work

i like vinyl and abstinence"

well i have a few pictures and lots of stories from the last week or so, right now i'm in nashville staying in different places, tonight i'm at the kirks house. i'm officially here though i think. so far i've applied at like 15 places, so i'm really hoping to get a call back this week. i've talked to a few people about staying in community houses, but nothing is really certain right now, but really road hog has been helping me out a lot and i really appreciate it and i'm going to be very sad when he leaves.

the get up kids, on a wire

has been very overplayed in my itunes library, it's very comforting to me, and has me thinking about springs a lot, and how strange it is that every time i listen to it i like it more.

i missed my mother on mother's day, which i didn't like at all.

i hope everyone who reads this is doing well and i will try to put some photos up when i get a chance

rock me mama

2008-05-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

well i probably won't update in here for a little while because i'll be travelling. i sold my car to my best friend! yeahhhh! so that was very good i would rather her have it than anyone else. the realty company hasn't called me back. i shipped my bicycle today, and then when mo dropped me off i realized i won't have a car or a bike so i haven't quite figured out how i'm going to run errands tomorrow. i have my legs though which are affordable and usually very reliable. i should be packing things right nowwwwww

ok well it is 10 hours later. i finished everything! all the boxes that were in the garage are unpacked, my room is spotless, i kindof wish i was staying another night so i could stay in it because it is so so clean. i am ready though! i finished early so monicque is taking me to dinner! i'm happy and sad and almost every emotion you could possibly be

wrapped up in blankets

2008-05-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

its the day before i leave and my stomach hurts from being so anxious. the man who was supposed to buy my car last night was a no show, the other man who was supposed to call me this morning about it hasn't called yet, he said 9 and it's 9:30 so i'm getting really nervous. i'm talking to the lady at the realty company today trying to get some of the charges for my apartment damages taken off, they charged me 800$ in damages, which is so frustrating. it's strange that after tomorrow i won't live here. i bought a ukulele in seattle and i've been practicing it lots. alllll i've been listening to is old crow medicine show. this is such a strange week.

april 25th 2008

2008-04-25T02:49:00.000-07:00

it is my real birthday today, i'm young, i'm nineteen. yeah i'm nineteen 19 999999teeeeeennnnn teeeeen not 22 i'm still a teenager yeah teenager teenager teenager not even twenty. don't know anything, haven't been through anything, don't know anyone, so naive, innocent, ignorant. young! alive! and ready to curl up in this comforter next to this space heater and sleep off the next 10 years and skip over the part where you talk into my disappointed ears. because i'd rather nap. anyway i can do what i want. i was 18 yesterday. eighteen! that is so young! remember yesterday! when i was 18! ugh, shut up!

sleeping now. watch this. chris conley being great when he was so young! probably eighteen! probably twelve maybe!

ps list of things that i miss and will be missing harder in the coming weeks:
monicque
the gronseths
collin
carly
bike rides
kashi
loree
moms jokes
dads laughs
poor richards pizza with tomato and avocado swap
my blanket
food in general
pikes peak smiling
not being alone
blah blah blah

more from the

2008-04-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

party. by the way i made it to washington safely.

i am

2008-04-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

missing my home already. my windowsill lined with coffee cups and my floor scattered with letters and polaroids and clothes and journals and records and half finished projects.

very sad about leaving my vinyl.

of course my family and friends are the ones i really don't want to think about leaving.

projects left to finish:

finish sewing up nyc shirt, fixing buttons on red jacket, making journals for two lovely ladies that i know, finishing the quilt, putting music from vinyl on my computer using usb, recording stephanie and i singing that song we know by heart very loudly(we sang it for rence), searching for the components of my dad's birthday present (he is 50!), learning that one rilokiley song on electric chord organ, drawing for matthew, finding the koala i drew for katie, painting for my mother, and finishing several scarves that i promised.

i am a bad friend.

favorite place !

good bye colorado

ps

here is stuff
from the last few weeks

stick and pokes with julia

vegan dinner at kaylas

premier tattoo

and my favorite, visiting my great aunt and her puppies, bridgette and chouquette

ok good bye

!!!

i think

morning

tennyson's princess, Canto VII

almost husband

this week i noticed

woman

these are the colors i am feeling

Debussy Clair de Lune ドビュッシー 月の光

favorite song when i was a little girl

words to this

wednesday, humpday is a gross expression

today I learned

this is the life,

easy from now on

ding

happy

findings

found this

kurt where have you been all my life

so

broke, broken

black lung

book of the month.

trashy

this is exactly my heart

,like the river

eggplant

color

the plan

alphabet town

,makes work easy

florida

new

ahahahahaha

pout

welp

my

hey

yata-hey

also

get it

work

pooka shell

my cat is really really cute and woke me up this morning

portland

really

dang

aha

to shit

got a gut feelin

brains

i'm hungry

work

eighteen

hey mo

talk

ok

boots

no more cancer

rope swing

found

Kunstformen der Natur

thomas

birmingham

howdy

explain your brain

down home grlll

never trust a man with a few change of clothes and a drink in his hand

rock me mama

wrapped up in blankets

april 25th 2008

more from the

i am

Debussy　 Clair de Lune 　ドビュッシー　月の光